Generated by Codex with GPT-5

FedEx driver sentenced to death by lethal injection for murder of seven-year-old in Texas (r/news)

• Bowllieo: I’m sure the company loves him being referred to in that way.
• spazzxxcc12: it’s really hard for me to want to keep my stance on the death penalty when it comes to cases like this.
• Puzzleheaded_Bed1781: I don’t get it. What drives someone to WANT to murder a child???

EU Parliament votes in favour of banning conversion therapy across member states (r/worldnews)

• Frozen_Thorn: Another EU win. Keep fighting the good fight.
• mental_monkey: Good! Heinous stuff like that needs to be banned.
• Striking-Donut8491: I used to pray for times like this

Hotels in U.S. World Cup host cities claim underwhelming demand, new report says (r/sports)

• pelethar: Good. Fuck FIFA
• CanadianGuy39: God this warms my heart so much.
• Cyphermaniax97: Gee, I wonder why. /s

What actor is nowhere near as talented as people make them out to be? (r/AskReddit)

• patawpha: Paul Rudd is just Paul Rudd which is fine because at the end of the day I like Paul Rudd.
• Puzzleheaded-Can8586: I wish somebody believed in me the way Hollywood seems to believe in Jared Leto.
• mandelbratwurst: Kevin Costner has exactly one emotion and its “stoic”

TIL there were 180.000 bees kept in the spires of Notre Dame and they survived the fire. Because bees don’t have lungs they weren’t hurt by the smoke, they just fell asleep (r/todayilearned)

• Leomuck: Bees do not have lungs? Wow, I’ve definitely learned something today. They breathe, but not through lungs.
• JeepWrangler319: You know Quasimodo predicted all this
• n_mcrae_1982: Maybe Quasimodo wasn’t really a hunchback. Maybe he was just really, really allergic to bee stings.

David Letterman Calls CBS Owners “Lying Weasels” After ‘Late Show With Stephen Colbert’ Cancellation (r/television)

• vibe4it: tbf, he’s called them lying weasels all along
• steelbeamsdankmemes: Don’t blame Stephen.
• witherspoon90: Another end of an era for late night

Generated by Codex with GPT-5

Supreme Court restores access to abortion pill mifepristone through telehealth, mail and pharmacies (r/news)

• atomic_blonde: Mifepristone saved me from bleeding out during a non-pregnancy related uterine hemorrhage. The experience radicalized me. I’d go to jail to be sure someone had the chance to obtain it if needed.
• moonstonelite: As someone who almost died from a miscarriage this pill is life saving medicine.
• IIIIIIlllllIIIIIIlll: Mifepristone abortion saved my life

Volodymyr Zelenskyy warned that Ukrainian drones may target Russia’s May 9 Victory Day parade in Moscow (r/worldnews)

• Coupe368: All they need is enough drones to cancel the parade. I hope they were saving up so that the strike was more memorable than the parade.
• booyakashaaaaaaaa: Makes Putin need to pull airdefense from other regions, thus leaving them more vulnerable. I don’t suspect he will actually hit the parade.
• vossmanspal: Just the suggestion from Zelenskyy is enough, well played.

Cruise ship at centre of suspected hantavirus outbreak blocked from docking in Cape Verde (r/news)

• bmkerce: I mean, do you blame them?
• ChewyChagnuts: The concern here is the usual incubation period. This isn’t from mice on the ship, the source is likely to be somewhere in South America. What doesn’t make sense, given knowledge about typical Hanta behaviour, is the on-board human to human transmission. Hence the concern on the part of Cape Verde.
• tworaspberries: I’ve been there. Cape Verde is small and doesn’t have the resources to handle an entire population outbreak. 

What’s a recession indicator that you’ve noticed lately in your everyday life? (r/AskReddit)

• Ask_Black_Phillip333: When you’re driving home, feeling like you’re really bad with money lately, but in reality, you just bought groceries for the week, again.
• Sorry-Panic7612: Most of the posts on my local subreddit are people looking for work or talking about how hard it is to find a job
• fatboyneedstogetlaid: Canceling streaming services and going back sailing the seven seas.

People who grew up really poor: what’s something middle-class people say that instantly reveals they’ve never struggled? (r/AskReddit)

• zerbey: “Just ask your parents for money” was a phrase my upper middle class room mate used all the time in college. Dude, they didn’t have any money either. He was given money from his parents and grandparents every weekend and blew it all on booze and clubbing. I struggled to figure out how to pay for my next meal.
• Ok_Olive9438: The phrase “annual vacation”.
• mitchwacky: “Just quit, then,” re: any terrible job that you desperately need and were lucky to get but need to vent about to stop from going insane.

TIL Ghana is the world’s largest importer of secondhand clothing. Locals refer to it as “Obroni Wawu,” or “Dead White Man’s Clothes,” reflecting a belief that the items are of such high quality that their original owners must have died for them to be discarded. (r/todayilearned)

• JPHutchy01: It’s like the philosophers Haggerty and Lewis posited “I’ll wear your granddad’s clothes, I look incredible”
• Hellofriendinternet: Somewhere there’s a kid wearing a shirt thinking the Pacers won the championship in 2025.
• hamiltrash52: The website literally says “This expression comes from the idea that someone would have to die to give up so much stuff”. Nowhere does it mention quality, just excess.

Generated by Codex with GPT-5

Rudy Giuliani Is in ‘Critical Condition’ in Florida Hospital (r/news)

• xandrodas: May he long be remembered for Four Seasons Total Landscaping
• drinkduffdry: Has there ever been a greater downturn in opinion of an individual?
• Frequent-Client1508: Oh no. Has he finished paying Ruby Freeman the millions he owes her yet?

The US is no longer the leader: Germany has become the largest ammunition producer in the world (r/worldnews)

• LGDJackal: I feel like I’ve seen this one before!
• IczyAlley: As a vaguely left American, I think its actually good that the world is more multipolar. But I am 100% sure that Republicans will claim this multipolarity they have actively pursued by policy and action is exactly what they will pretend to hate within 5 years.
• fallsstandard: Rheinmetall has wares if you have coin.

Fugees rapper Pras reports to prison to begin 14-year sentence (r/news)

• RMRdesign: This is exactly Elon did for Trump by the way.
• Arponare: So when is Elon’s sentencing?
• Inca-Vacation: gone til November 2040

Parents in other countries than the US, what is your kids’ equivalent of “I don’t want that for dinner, I want chicken nuggets”? (r/AskReddit)

• Zealousideal-Sea8957: grew up in the philippines. my kids reject whatever i cook and just want plain rice with soy sauce. i spent 45 minutes on adobo and they’re over there eating sad rice.
• brooke360: Poutine. My daughter wants it every night if she could lol.
• Mindless-Toe-9912: Here in Mexico, my 7 year old wants butter on bread (toasted on the stove) or he wants scrambled eggs with butter.

The moment Cherie DeVaux became the first woman trainer to win the Kentucky Derby in its 152-year history. (r/sports)

• karthikulo: I love that she doesn’t have a fancy hat.
• fhota1: Now lets see the horse’s idol concert after the race!
• romulan267: Women dominate the equestrian scene. Why’d it take this long? Old money?

Generated by Codex with GPT-5

Boy, 14, shot dead by Israeli settlers in West Bank amid escalation in violence (r/news)

• Spirited_Childhood34: Terrorists, not settlers.
• AsherahEnd: “Settlers” you mean invaders?

US Justice Department can use military lawyer to prosecute civilian, judge rules (r/news)

• RenoRiley1: Because all the competent lawyers that could say no have been fired or quit they’ll bring in their military toadies who can’t say no. (They can actually but we know no one in our military will)
• Babylon4All: “There’s a reason you separate military and the police. One fights the enemies of the state, the other serves and protects the people. When the military becomes both, then the enemies of the state tend to become the people”

Trump says US will reduce number of troops in Germany ‘a lot further’ than withdrawal of 5,000 (r/worldnews)

• hornswoggled111: … After a recent phone call with Putin.
• wwhisler: Is he going to reduce the number of troops by 1200%

It’s official: No woman in England or Wales can be prosecuted for an abortion any more (r/worldnews)

• Cynical_Classicist: Actually good news from Britain for once!
• Mother_Airline_6276: Hooray common sense!

Teacher who told pupils ‘this class terrifies me’ chugged gin from a water bottle before vomiting in toilet (r/nottheonion)

• Mikeavelli: Teenagers scare the living shit out of me.
• darkoopz43: I’m not saying she’s right, but I get it.

What is an industry that is currently on fire (in a bad way) behind the scenes, but the general public hasn’t noticed yet? (r/AskReddit)

• Ok_Outcome_6213: I work in retirement savings and pensions. The number of people cashing out their pensions, including people who are at retirement age, just to be able to afford to live, is staggering.
• thisisrita: This thread has been great for my anxiety

Generated by Codex with GPT-5

US gas prices reaching new heights as war in Iran drags on (r/news)

• Affectionate_Tip_934: Gas prices don’t just hurt at the pump. Every product that gets trucked, shipped, or flown becomes more expensive within weeks. This isn’t just a fuel story, it’s a silent tax on everything you buy for the next 6 months.
• The_Frozen_Inferno: US gas prices? You mean WORLD gas prices. A lot of us that have absolutely nothing to do with this BS war are going to suffer as well.

Court restricts abortion access across the US by blocking the mailing of mifepristone (r/news)

• Mediocre_Ad_4649: I thought nationwide injunctions can’t be issued anymore? So wouldn’t this “only” apply to the fifth district?
• Grant_Winner_Extra: The 5th circuit is the most-overturned circuit and they’ve tried this a half dozen times already. It will get overturned and even if it doesn’t, it only applies in the 5th circuit.

Trump says he will raise tariffs on EU autos to 25% (r/worldnews)

• Qrimesz: Honey, it’s friday again!
• tri170391: He seems to forgot the supreme court ruled his tariff illegal lol.

Louisiana Republicans eliminate elected position days before an exoneree was set to take office (r/nottheonion)

• braumbles: Not shocking. This is what Republicans do.
• ComprehensiveHavoc: A good man’s redemption scared them so much that they needed to find a new way to be corrupt.

US birth rates just hit another record low, what do you think is the leading cause of this? (r/AskReddit)

• LunaraVibe: It turns out that when ‘starter homes’ cost half a million dollars and childcare is basically a second rent payment, people start treating having a kid like a luxury hobby they can’t afford.
• AvleeWhee: gestures vaguely at everything

Generated by Codex with GPT-5

OxyContin maker Purdue Pharma set to dissolve after judge approves its criminal sentence (r/news)

• Infinite_Theory3453: yeah it is kinda wild, company basically gets shut down but no real jail time for anyone behind it.
• PM_ME_YOUR_EYELASHES: So they shut down then pop up later with a new name and CEO selling a similar product?? Justice served?

Louisiana governor plans to suspend May primary to redraw US House map, Washington Post reports (r/news)

• MannequinWithoutSock: Nothing says democracy more than suspending elections to redraw maps
• EightGlow: Remember like 3 days ago when R’s were bitching that the Dems had the gall to redraw a map in response to R’s initiating this fight?

JD Vance ‘helping Russians’ by supporting halt to Ukraine aid, Zelensky says (r/worldnews)

• gummilingus: How do you say “thank you” in Russian?
• luisa65-L: Zelensky’s crossed arms and absolute death stare in this photo perfectly summarize how most of the world feels listening to JD Vance.

Church of Scientology is mad teens keep running through their centers and filming it for TikTok (r/nottheonion)

• emongu1: If it was pretty much anybody but them, i would have compassion, but no, not them.
• Packman87: “Cult angry at people getting in and out of their building in under 9 hours” 

What hobby or habit or vice do you know is shortening your life but you don’t care because it’s worth it? (r/AskReddit)

• satansfloorbuffer: Butter, sugar, flour
• Slawth_x: I’m here for a good time not a long one

Generated by Codex with GPT-5

Trump evacuated after security incident at White House correspondents dinner; no sign of injuries (r/news)

• PersianAztecs21: Did they lower the flag and have everyone pose for a photo shoot?
• A_Refill_of_Mr_Pibb: There will be an arrest next week for someone who made $500K on this.

MrBeast employee alleges she was harassed for years and fired after maternity leave in a new lawsuit (r/news)

• Drabulous_770: I love how we’re all counting down the clock until this guy’s run is over.
• EkorrenHJ: I had no opinion on MrBeast until I saw him om a podcast where he kept talking about how much he despised “mediocre people.” That made me recognize he probably fostered toxic working conditions.

U.S. Mint Buys Drug Cartel Gold and Sells It as ‘American’ (Gift Article) (r/news)

• Cultural_Meeting_240: nothing says freedom like laundering cartel gold into liberty coins.
• Fecal_thoroughfare: If I was any country that owned gold in US vaults I’d be gtfo yesterday

What’s a recession indicator that you’ve noticed lately? (r/AskReddit)

• monkeypickle8: It seems like everything at the grocery store starts at seven dollars now
• motorcitydevil: Door Dash drivers in their 60s.

What’s the fastest way you realized you were in the wrong friend group? (r/AskReddit)

• Darth-Skvader: They started having a conversation in front of me about how excited they all were for the upcoming beach trip. I hadn’t been invited.
• Key_Benefit_7465: They wanted to do a “prank” where they threw rocks over the highway overpass

Generated by Codex with GPT-5

Pope Leo says he does not fear Trump after attack over Iran peace appeal (r/worldnews)

• Ok-Aspect62: It’s less about fear and more about influence. Moral authority doesn’t operate on the same terms as political power.
• Luka_Dunks_on_Bums: The man is from the south side of Chicago, Trump is never going to scare him

US imposing 25% tariffs on steel, aluminum, and copper derivatives (r/stocks)

• CraftySeer: More Trump taxes. I’m trying to fix up my house to improve my finances and my life and this is a major blocker. Prices are up up UP! Oak up 50%. Wood flooring up. Appliances up. It used to be affordable to fix up your own house. No more. Trump is stopping innovation, killing entrepreneurs, taxing small businesses.
• itsgabenog: Maybe we can use all the incoming trillions of dollars to pay for this war?

How would you feel about a ban on AskReddit questions regarding US politics? (r/AskReddit)

• closetmangafan: A better question would be a ban on repetitive questions…
• No-Chemistry-4355: I’d much rather welcome a ban on AskReddit “How would you feel about X” questions that are clearly loaded and meant to elicit a specific response.

Pope warns of world ravaged by ‘tyrants’ in the wake of Trump attacks (r/politics)

• OldSchoolBubba: We’ve already arrived at this point
• DayCommon2162: Trump said he’s not a fan of the Pope. That’s how you know the Pope is doing something right

What is the most unhinged thing you have ever heard a Redditor say? (r/AskReddit)

• Aromatic-Hearing-774: “Reddit is a great place for balanced, nuanced discussion.”
• PawPawBanana87: Ummm just head on over to r/incestconfessions and pick any post and that’s probably it.

Generated by Codex with GPT-5

Footage shows US citizen shot by ICE agent in Texas traffic stops (r/news)

• WillingnessOk3081: my gosh, before you even get to the idiotic mother, him saying he hoped his son “wouldn’t do what his son did” and his son was trying to “turn his life around” makes it sound like his son deserved to get shot because he had done bad things in the past. just excuse after excuse for bad cops. garbage human beings.

  Continue ...

Generated by Codex with GPT-5

U.S. Mint Buys Drug Cartel Gold and Sells It as ‘American’ (Gift Article) (r/news)

• BisquickNinja: Yay… I guess the US is now into money laundering….

• Cultural_Meeting_240: nothing says freedom like laundering cartel gold into liberty coins.

Mood in Russia turns bleak as war in Ukraine drags on and economy suffers (r/worldnews)

• cagadadechango: It’s turning bleak just now?

  Continue ...